Individual.

Individual.


My jumbled words will keep you flustered,
My behavior will provoke your curiousity.
My thoughts will keep you intrigued,
with my every wish, will, and demand.

I'm the type of girl that you see strolling down the street and wonder out loud,
"What's her problem?"
While I turn around and shoot right back asking,
"Can I help you?"

I'm the type of person that could careless about what you say about they way I...

1. dress as in, ripped pants, tight shirts, and "battle armor" as in my belts, chains, and bandanas because I am my own individual and that's the way everyone should be.
2. talk as in loud, not obnoxious, but just so my point can be laid across the table. How I like to use my freedom of speech because not everybody has that and it's a privilege to obtain such a gift.
3. act as in the way I am, the way I work, I'm not somebody I'm not, I act the way I should and that's how I get through my everyday life.
and 4. feel as in how I vividly express my emotions clearly to somebody whether it's a undefining feeling of happiness, an overwhelming feeling of sadness and tears, or an unbelievable feeling of not necessarily hate, because hate is something no one should have but anger.

My jumbled words may not keep you flustered.
Maybe my behavior won't keep you curious.
But my thoughts, my thoughts will keep you thinking,
and will keep you wondering,
and will keep you asking,

"What's her problem?"

Initial.

Initial.


Originally my ulterior motive was to imagine you out of existence.
It was to disregard this entire thing, to plain and simply forget about everything.

I’ve never spoken this out loud but,
I've always had this overwhelming feeling of animosity that tore at me.
Hour after hour, day after day, month over month.

It consumes my thoughts, my actions, my every day life.
I’ve tried to conceal it, I’ve tried to deny it, yet nothing resulted except more distress inflicted upon myself.

Nothing seemed to work, nothing seems to be working.

Initially I never had a motive for anything.
Until I met you…

Frightened.

Frightened.


This never ending phone call echos throughout my ears.
Messages that have an undefined sense of sorrow,
pain, hostility, unrequited love, and possession.
Never want to abandon by mind.

The time has struck.
And I don't want this moment to come into existance.

Help me release my self-hatred for loving him.
Help me engulf myself in sincerity.
Don't let me live my life in fear.
Don't let me be driven by insanity.

The time has proceeded.
And I beg for it never to happen ever...

I have a confession.
I've never been frightened of anybody except him...

Trapped.

Trapped.


Did you ever feel like a wild bird,
that was trapped and kept in in cage?

A bird that wanted to escape from it's confinement,
but was never able to leave or fly far away because of it's owner.
And when the cage was finally open and it tried to fly free,
it didn't fly instead it was falling.
Failing to that hard cold floor.
The birds only way of escaping were it's wings.
Those wonderful, beautiful things that no longer existed
because they were clipped long ago.
Wanting to fly it couldn't,
fluttering and small jumps were the only way.
Warn out, tired, and exhausted it reached the window,
and as it was about to escape it was swooped up by it's owner.
Watching as it's freedom escaped it was put back in it's cage.

Looking through bars at the window of freedom.
The bird's beginning to realize that it's freedom,
will never happen...

Afraid.

Afraid.


Give me somebody to love,
almost anybody will do.
Somebody who loves me for me.
No lies, cries, or useless sighs.
Not this time I want something different.

I feel an akward aroma surrounding me,
wherever I go.
It's saying that the life I lead is just not for me.
It's calling for something more, somebody better.
He's standing right in front of me.

He's the one I want.
He's the one I long for.
But I'm afraid to get close.
I'm afraid if we do, we both may lose...
Please not this time.

Don't let this go wrong.
Embracing him is all I want to do.
Don't take that away from me.
I don't want to let go.... not this time.

I'm afraid...
I'm afraid to lose you...

My deadly sin.

My deadly sin.

Is nothing but one word,
and nothing more.
The word that eats me inside,
and teases my hopes and dreams.
A beautiful but deadly thing.

Love.

Mortified.

Mortified.


A distant lie,
with a close inspection of truth.
A hidden face,
with an exposed expression of grief.

Can I be any clearer?

Hiding in the shadows lie you and I,
a hint of light shines through crakes.
Revealing our eyes only for an instant,
secrets and truth are finally exchanged.

This is not about you nor I.

Seasons are forever changing,
it goes from life to death and
death to life, it's just the cycle.
The weak can't cut it, the strong survive.
Human nature and behavior
seems a bit extinct now a days don't you think?

Forget the life cycle what about our feeelings?

Rivers are always running,
ponds are always still.
The best type of water is running,
because it's always fresh.
While ponds sit,
never escaping their confinement.

What type of water are you?
And what type of water am I?

Truth be told.

Truth be told.


The truth is, I never really could decide,
what I wanted in life.
Or for the matter,
who I wanted to be with.
Seems that you and I had more in common,
then you thought.

I always hated when people began to say things such as...
"There's a time for everything," but
when will be my time?
"Death is everywhere," but
where will I be when he knocks at my door?
It's so idiotic...

"Why should I care," or "I don't know," or "I could careless,"
is my reply to almost everything that concerns feelings and such.
Truth is most likey I know why I care and I do care.
Almost silly isn't it?
I have no reason to care, but by my nature I do care more than I should.

What I want in life?
Who I want in life?
When will be my time?
Where will I be when he knocks at me door?
Why should I care?

The truth is, is that.
These questions, I can't answer.
But I could careless...

Dangeriously romantic.

Dangerioulsy romantic.


You and I we're the type that's hard to describe.
All those nights with flames of passion,
days that thunder with agruements.
A solitude within them both.

Competition arises from every turn.
Who's the best, I'm the best,
No, I can beat you anytime.

It seem that few words, never sufficed.
More were said then needed.
That's how things always seemed to be.

Firey tempers were well known between us.
Always seemed to get the better of you or I.
Ignited and terminated.
That's how it always seemed to begin and end.

The romance was great, but the passion was amazing.
The fighting was fierce, but the agruements were outrageously irresistable.

Never knew.

Never knew.


An empty chair in this vacant space.
Broken pictures with a shattered past.
Bare trees in their twilight of nourishment.

Casted away with almost no regret.
Running towards a neverending path.
Hiding from the misdeeds they've commited.
What's done is done.

I never realized, what you meant,
when you said.

"I never knew what I wanted in life,
except for this one thing that always screamed in my dreams.
You know I almost reached that never ending path and filled those empty voids.
A taste of that nourishment would have been sweet,
if your deadly extremity hadn't intertwined.
It was drenched with twists and turns and a bitter sent of happiness.
I never knew what I wanted in life,
until I took the misleading road that revoked my twilight of existance.
That misleading road, was you."

I never knew what you meant,
until my twilight of existance,
almost ceased to exist like yours once did.

See the world.

See the world.


Sometimes I wish,
You could see the world through me eyes.
Even if it seems as if, there's no point.

An overwhelming sensation of pain or solitude,
at times an exsertion of happiness or content,
seems to be my daily routine.

Thoughts consume my mind,
which sometimes feel as if they are driving me to insanity.
Dreams surround my thoughts,
teasing me knowing that they are unattainable.
Visions knock at my dreams,
inviting me to into nothingness.

Knock, knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your worst fear.
My worst fear and what's that?
Failure, emptiness, & no one but yourself.

Rain showers.

Rain showers.


"Rain, rain go away,
come again another day."
I say, if it were up to me.
Rain would never go away.
A warm rain,
with a thunderstorm,
on a dark night.
Is my kind of weather.

Dark and deary,
Waking up thinking it's still night.
The sun not shinning.
I'd accept that without a doubt.

Depressing? No.
Of course not.
Those are the days,
that make me feel like well me.

So can we have a day,
that's rainy and warm.
That's dark and deary.
A day, that would make me feel,
like I haven't felt in a long time.

Happy...

I was right.

I was right.


When I said,
"You're a bit short,
of a transcending flame."

But now I realize
your not a bit short,
your flame has already been extinguished.


The day you came into existance.

So baby, oh baby,
give me a chance and let me make your fire,

burn with desire and last for eternily.

I guess.

I guess.


I figured we'd never get ahead of ourselves.
With everything and all.

I presumed it would become something of the sort.
Almost like the way it is now.

I thought that things wouldn't get any greater.
Or for the matter worse.

I doubted a lot of things between you and I.
For one reason or another.

I questioned your feelings and mine.
After all the open gap between us was to great.

I suppose my intuation was almost right.
Almost... right about you.


Could I been mislead with your words of flattery?
Have I been mistaken about my feelings?
I guess so.

Basically put.

Basically put.


I believe, that your not the one for me.
But on the contrary, I miss you terribly so.

"The one" is not on my mind, finding my significant other,
isn't my main priority at the moment.
I'm sorry if I couldn't match up to your standards,
or anyone elses for the matter.

But that's not what I'm looking for.
I'm searching for something different, something unique.

There's always those people you have, to be there.
To ease the suffering or loneliness, and you were that,
along with my comrads and writing.
Though you were something more, I suppose.
But I'd like to say thanks...

People say, "Youth is wisdom and truth."
Youth is not wisdom or truth. Youth is foolish and unknowing.
In all honesty, we all are like that. Including myself.

And honestly,
there are several things that have been on my mind...
-You.
-Writing.
-Sanity.
-Along with other such things.


Basically that's what I have to say about everything.

And you expected what?

And you expected what?


What did you expect?
Me to come back, forgiving.
Your funny.

If you think,
you can get me back that easily,
you must be cracking a joke.

You didn't care.
So why should I?

But kid,
for some reason.
You're the only thing,
that's been on my mind.

If I could take you back,
I would, but you wouldn't.

A crowded room.

A crowded room.


People all around,
An empty silence falls.
A suddle movement,
Sweeps you off your feet.
Amazed you snap back to reality.
Silence surrounds you again.

One speaks,
The only one you hear is him.
People's mouths are going.
But all you hear is one thing.
A gentle voice,

Cold stares glare at you.
You ignored it as if it didn't exist.
His voice still is sweeping you off your feet.
That one thing that you thought emptied is back.

Everything you thought was gone.
Never really went,
It was there all along.

Your voices meet.
And the sound arises.

The only one that really mattered was him.

Ok riddler.

Ok riddler.


I have another riddle,
similiar to the old one.

A lonely girl sits alone in a room.
6 walls, 4 surrounding, 2 above and below.
All is black,
and only a spec of white exists which is,
above her, middle of the ceiling.

SO riddler.
Where is she?

Riddle me this.

Riddle me this.


Your riddles are beyond solving.
I can't decifer if it's a joke or a quiz.

Stop riddling me with your riddles.
Ha.
So riddle me this riddler.

A lonely girl sits alone in a almost white room with 6 walls.
White padding is on 5 of the 6 walls.
So, the 6th wall is all black, and that's the only "color",
She can see when she looks up.

So riddle me this.
What does she see, when she looks up, riddler?

Psstt.

Psstt.


long live no one.
ass fuck everyone.

"live" your life,
like,
your on steroids
& drugs.

trust me,
it will make it that much better.

because.
NEWS FLASH EVERYONE
LIFE SUCKS!

have a good night.!
.period.

Can you tell me?

Can you tell me?


What am I to do?

With a half torn heart.
An empty soul.
The loneliness, what always gets the best of me.
People with their broken promises,
and,
a decision based on wit not will.

A basic path with a needle.

A basic path with a needle.


Ever here that,
"It's like finding a needle in a haystack."?

Well kids, let me tell you.
It's true.

How about?
"In life you never know what path to go down.
Which one is the right one?".
I'm here to tell you.
There is no "right one,"
and there is no "wrong one,".
They both have their pros and cons.

That needle, and that path.
Reflect a bit of life.
Finding a person,
to give your trust to is outrageously insane.
Finding a man or woman to spend the rest of your life with,
is one of the harder things in life.
Deciphering to stay or leave,
is just... PLAIN AND SIMPLY PUT.
stupid.

For the roads while have bumps,
and the needle still has a point.

A familiar tale.

A familiar tale.


A bit of irony,
The pinch of agony.

The bite of idiocy,
A swallow of lies.

A touch of sorrow,
The face of emptiness.

It reminds me of a story, I’ve lived though before.

Symphony.

Symphony.


Your symphony of harmony,
was almost two much to handle.

We've initiated the beginning of something,
something that can either,

make us,
or break us.

Angelically demonic.

Angelically demonic.


It seems that now.
Your nothing but the Devil,
but on a new kinda level.

Your angelic beauty,
was nothing but a type of sin,
that only you can forgive.

Were you that angel that never got its wings?
Or that devil that wasn't damned for the better?

Feel the absence of.

Feel the absense of.


This akward enigma is consuming me.
You're touch is all that keeps me sain.

That look is undefying.
This touch is all I need, to keep me existing.

So don't leave unless you must,
because let me tell you,
your eyes are mystifying.

But your words are,
beyond your existance.
Those actions were against our will.

Your eyes are no longer mystifying,
they're a gaze without a steady look.

I'm beginning to feel the absense of,
a missing piece.

Broken fire.

Broken fire.


Your a bit short of a transcending flame.
This ember is slowly becoming impaired.

Your wax is becoming altered from a solid to a liquid.
This wic becomes curtailed by fire.


Your remind me of a broken record.
The song skips beats.

Your scratched beyond repair.
This record can't be altered to play anything but, it's
broken firey tune.

Aptitude.

Aptitude.


He has power to give infinite knowledge or make it cease to exist.
He has control over life and death.
He can make it complex or simple.

Aptitude is all he knows.
He is distinctly known by all,
feared or loved.
He can destroy you, or make you.

What am I?

What do I look like?

What do I look like?


It seems that more and more,
people are beginning to think of me as something or somebody else.
A fighter or a instigator,
also belligerent, do I come of as a belligerent person to you?

I don't understand it.
That's not who I am,
I'm not always here to fight,
I'm here to help you, not fight you're battles.

So next time,
please don't ask me to do you a favor saying,
"Do you want to mess with someone?"
Because it won't happen.

Do I deserve,
Abhorrence or scorn?
All for defending you?
I don't know.

Forget it,
I'll defend you,
when you need it.
Not for pety little things.

What do I look like?
...
:sigh:
I suppose one day, they'll stand on their own.
Maybe one day, I'll also be looked at as,
something else.

Church is only an excuse.

Church is only an excuse.


Today is obviously Sunday,
The "Lord's Day."
I told my parents,
"I see no point in going, you don't have to
go to church, in order to praise God."

Parents being parents they freaked.
Stating the following excuses.
"God does so much for us we have to thank him,
this is the only time when we're a family,
you're breaking his will."
It goes on and on.
I suppose they have a point in a way.

Well in response I told them,
"You don't have to praise God by going to church,
you can do it anytime, I see no point in doing so."
Of course the main reason is because I don't believe.

They kept insisting that I am just being lazy.
It's not true.
I don't believe in many of our teachings,
half of the time I don't know what to believe.

There's no reason to go to church, if you don't believe,
or if you're not even "praising God."

Well just to try to make my mother happy.
I got dressed and they were already out the door.
By the time I went out, no car was in sight.
They left me.

So me being me I said,
"Fuck you too."
I know the way my mother is she's just as stubborn,
so most likely she told my father to just leave me and let me walk.

Now I'm home and they should be home any minute now.
I wonder what they're going to imply now?
Ha.
Life is hilarious.

After all,
Church is only an excuse to profess you're faith.
You can do it any time,
any where.
So fuck that, I can be my own person.
Can I not?
...

Sympathy for the Devil.

Sympathy for the Devil.


A conversation between one and the other
about,
God and the Devil.


One replied in such a sarcastic voice,
"God has sympathy for all."
The other instigated an argument replying that,
"Does God have sympathy for everything?"

One countered this time more seriously,
"Of course he does. God is good towards all."
The other questioned in a sad tone,
"And what about the Devil and those casted into eternal damnation?
What sympathy has God shown to them?"

One couldn't answer,
the other sat in silence.
Both starred at each other and both replied,
"He doesn't."

Silence.

One finally spoke yet again saying the following.
"God has given them a chance to repent and ask for forgiveness.
They have lost their chance for everlasting happiness."

The other thought for a second and spoke these words.
"Yes, that maybe true, he has given them a chance to change,
but does that mean that they must remain in agony and pain
for a everlasting eternity?"

Again both sat in silence.

One spoke to himself, "God has sympathy for all mankind..."
The other stated to himself as well,
"Sympathy for the Devil, doesn't exist."

...how interesting. HA.

Bring the Pain.

Bring the pain.

Child don't act like you're in shame
So either bring the pain.
Or suffer the game.
We've got nothing to gain.

Or... do we?

Judgmental people.

Judgmental people.

Are not always a good thing.

So buddy, try to relax and take me for me.

Let me tell you something,
You act like "them" then kid, you're not going anywhere.

Egotism is a statement.

Egotism is a statement.

You're a bad example of...



An exaggerated sense of self-importance.