Extinguished hope.

Extinguished hope.


My eyes have seen beyond life itself.
They have seen the very depths of hatred that came into existence.
They have witnessed the end of the time that stood beside you.

My eyes cannot stand what has come to greet them.
The countless lives that have been sacrificed for the sake of war,
The animosity that tore at our fellow brethren,
The starvation of our kin, who begged us for forgiveness,
The oppressors whom left thousands at the poverty level,
And the self inflicted violence that millions have done
in hopes to rid themselves of their depression.

My eyes have gazed upon the eyes of others and found that,
hope is no longer in existence.

Over the Top.

Over the Top.


My imagination used to exaggerate the simplest of thoughts.

Thus, I have come to a conclusion that
simplicity isn't at all simplistic.

Does that make sense? Oh god, now I'm just being rhetorical.

Here let me start over, to put it bluntly.
Over time I realized that "simple" things that stimulated my mind,
really weren't at all "simple."
In fact, there were probably the most difficult ideas that have ever crossed my mind.

These thoughts, these ideas were inevitable.
They were bound to come about soon or later.
Rather then sooner or later, never would have been sufficient enough for me,
yet that wasn't the case at all.

To complicate the matter, it appeared as though,
I felt compelled to carry out actions that never crossed my mind.
I began to feel that I was loosing my mind.
That everything just began to slip away.

Then it hit me like a bullet.
I had fallen into the trap called, "Love."

Individual.

Individual.


My jumbled words will keep you flustered,
My behavior will provoke your curiousity.
My thoughts will keep you intrigued,
with my every wish, will, and demand.

I'm the type of girl that you see strolling down the street and wonder out loud,
"What's her problem?"
While I turn around and shoot right back asking,
"Can I help you?"

I'm the type of person that could careless about what you say about they way I...

1. dress as in, ripped pants, tight shirts, and "battle armor" as in my belts, chains, and bandanas because I am my own individual and that's the way everyone should be.
2. talk as in loud, not obnoxious, but just so my point can be laid across the table. How I like to use my freedom of speech because not everybody has that and it's a privilege to obtain such a gift.
3. act as in the way I am, the way I work, I'm not somebody I'm not, I act the way I should and that's how I get through my everyday life.
and 4. feel as in how I vividly express my emotions clearly to somebody whether it's a undefining feeling of happiness, an overwhelming feeling of sadness and tears, or an unbelievable feeling of not necessarily hate, because hate is something no one should have but anger.

My jumbled words may not keep you flustered.
Maybe my behavior won't keep you curious.
But my thoughts, my thoughts will keep you thinking,
and will keep you wondering,
and will keep you asking,

"What's her problem?"

Initial.

Initial.


Originally my ulterior motive was to imagine you out of existence.
It was to disregard this entire thing, to plain and simply forget about everything.

I’ve never spoken this out loud but,
I've always had this overwhelming feeling of animosity that tore at me.
Hour after hour, day after day, month over month.

It consumes my thoughts, my actions, my every day life.
I’ve tried to conceal it, I’ve tried to deny it, yet nothing resulted except more distress inflicted upon myself.

Nothing seemed to work, nothing seems to be working.

Initially I never had a motive for anything.
Until I met you…

Frightened.

Frightened.


This never ending phone call echos throughout my ears.
Messages that have an undefined sense of sorrow,
pain, hostility, unrequited love, and possession.
Never want to abandon by mind.

The time has struck.
And I don't want this moment to come into existance.

Help me release my self-hatred for loving him.
Help me engulf myself in sincerity.
Don't let me live my life in fear.
Don't let me be driven by insanity.

The time has proceeded.
And I beg for it never to happen ever...

I have a confession.
I've never been frightened of anybody except him...

Trapped.

Trapped.


Did you ever feel like a wild bird,
that was trapped and kept in in cage?

A bird that wanted to escape from it's confinement,
but was never able to leave or fly far away because of it's owner.
And when the cage was finally open and it tried to fly free,
it didn't fly instead it was falling.
Failing to that hard cold floor.
The birds only way of escaping were it's wings.
Those wonderful, beautiful things that no longer existed
because they were clipped long ago.
Wanting to fly it couldn't,
fluttering and small jumps were the only way.
Warn out, tired, and exhausted it reached the window,
and as it was about to escape it was swooped up by it's owner.
Watching as it's freedom escaped it was put back in it's cage.

Looking through bars at the window of freedom.
The bird's beginning to realize that it's freedom,
will never happen...

Afraid.

Afraid.


Give me somebody to love,
almost anybody will do.
Somebody who loves me for me.
No lies, cries, or useless sighs.
Not this time I want something different.

I feel an akward aroma surrounding me,
wherever I go.
It's saying that the life I lead is just not for me.
It's calling for something more, somebody better.
He's standing right in front of me.

He's the one I want.
He's the one I long for.
But I'm afraid to get close.
I'm afraid if we do, we both may lose...
Please not this time.

Don't let this go wrong.
Embracing him is all I want to do.
Don't take that away from me.
I don't want to let go.... not this time.

I'm afraid...
I'm afraid to lose you...